Defining Adultery Is Knowing You Are Committing Adultery

How do we go about defining adultery except to say that it is morally wrong and it is a sin according to God? When we live our lives as if there is no God there will be consequences. I don’t say this scripture does. Many people don’t stop to realize that they create negative consequences in their life by making the wrong choices. Whole marriages and families are ruined by one adulterous act. This is why Jesus said to NOT even look at another with feelings of lust because our attitude of lust will lead to adultery eventually.

An example of this is seen in how we live our marriage. Instead of living our marriage by the One who created it, many of us manage our marriage through our own understanding. And that is why we don’t see the blessings! Today there are so many people suffering from adulterous marriages and they just don’t get it! They don’t understand why they are suffering? Many of these marriages suffer greatly under the affects of adultery by a spouse. When a spouse commits adultery it takes a forgiving heart to get past the hurt and pain that it can cause.

There are three ways adultery can be defined in a marriage. The number one way is when a spouse has sex with another person other than who they are married to. The second way, which most people don’t know about, is by remarriage when their first marriage spouse is still living. Scripture is very clear on this; it is stated four different times in the bible. Some Christians are living in adultery because they remarried while their first spouse still lives.

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. (Luke 16:18)

And thirdly when two people are in a defacto cohabitation marriage and one has sex with someone outside of this defacto marriage. According to God two people who live together and are having sex are married. You may not be married to the state because there is no record of the marriage, but God sees the record of your marriage in the way you live. Look at Adam and Eve! Did they have a record of their marriage? God considers a man and a woman married when they (1.) leave parents. (2.) promise to each other by living together, and (3.) by consummation of the relationship.

If we want to save our marriage there is only one thing we must do when a spouse commits the sin of adultery. We must make God the most important part of our life so we can have a forgiving heart. The truth is it is not a new spouse we need when our spouse commits adultery; it’s a new perspective on life. We need to receive a new heart and mind. The bottom line is we need healed!! And God is our healer! A new spouse can’t heal our soul. Only God can wipe away our past, purify our minds and make us new people in Christ for righteous and peaceful living in the kingdom of heaven.

How many of us choose to live our marriage under our own wisdom and understanding and then expect to be forgiven by Christ’s loving grace for making wrong lifestyle choices according to that understanding? I mean think about this. If we don’t have the faith to live as Christ-ones then who are we living for? Adultery is a sin to God and sincere repentance is a must so we can be forgiven. And forgiveness only comes when we stop living the sin of adultery!

The point is we have to consciously and willingly put in the effort to walk with God in His kingdom of heaven by discontinuing the adultery. We should not minimize sin in our lives, or justify reasons why God won’t mind if we do something that leads to sin or is sinful behavior. We need to stop deceiving ourselves!

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, not thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

I truly don’t know what else to say about adultery except look at your life and see where you may have erred. God gives us free will to do as we please now because he wants us to choose Him over our desires. He wants us to choose Him over our desire to be unfaithful in our marriage; He wants us to choose Him over the pleasures and desires of this world. Only when we die to these things and choose God will we be free from sins hold on us and be the whole and happy people God created us to be. We need to find our way back on the path that leads to God! There is no other way.

I believe full-heartedly that to make the right choices means waiting on God to guide us in His wisdom. We have to put our lives in His hands, which means we NEED to walk in faith and in Godly wisdom and understanding, and that means we may have to suffer for doing what is right. God loves us greatly and wants us to choose Him, but that does not mean we will never suffer again. On the contrary it is through our suffering that we grow more faithful and wise in Him. Don’t let sin take a hold of your life, give your burdens to God and let Him heal your soul!

Can I Fix My Marriage After Adultery? Here’s Some Insights to Help You Decide

I get a lot of correspondence from people who ask me if it’s possible to fix or save their marriage after adultery. Sometimes, I’m contacted by the person who committed the adultery. And other times, I’m contacted by the faithful spouse who doesn’t want to let this destroy their marriage. My opinion and experience is that yes, marriages survive adultery every single day. It isn’t always immediate or easy. There are usually many compromises and a lot of discomfort. But, it most certainly can be done. I’ll discuss this more in the following article.

Saving Your Marriage After Adultery Often Requires Complete Honesty And Accountability: I feel that I have to get this first point out of the way as quickly as possible. It’s very difficult to move past this if the other person is not out of the unfaithful spouse’s life. It’s very frustrating for me to have people contact me asking for advice on how to fix their marriage when they are still carrying on the adultery with the other person in secret. If this is your case, you’re likely wasting the time of yourself and your spouse. You really can not rehabilitate your marriage when there is more people involved than yourself and your spouse. So, if you’re not sure that you are ready to let the other person go, then wait until you can. And, if you are the faithful spouse and you’re not sure if you want to save the marriage, then it may help to explore this issue more before you allow for your spouse to get their hopes up.

With that said, it’s fair to say that many marriages survive infidelity when neither spouse was sure if they were going to make it. There’s nothing wrong with hoping for the best, preparing for the worst, and then feeling relief and happiness when things turn out to be OK after all.

But, in order for this to happen, the person who committed the adultery is going to need to be honest and open. They are going to need to take responsibility for their mistakes and know that it is also their responsibility to begin to dig their way out of this. Plus, the faithful spouse will usually get much better results if they are willing to be honest about what they want and need from this point forward.

Saving Your Marriage After Adultery Often Requires Taking An Honest Look At Many Issues And Then Taking Honest Action: Hiding yourself away in this situation does no good. Pretending that you’re fine when you aren’t doesn’t help either. Admittedly, it can be very difficult to face this because it is so very painful. But it is necessary, because the lose threads that you leave hanging will very often come back to haunt you. Trying to ensure that your marriage survives adultery is difficult enough.

So, it’s ill advised to just try to brush things under the rug if you need to work through them. I know that this may seem to be asking a lot. I know that it might sound as if I’m asking you to work through issues that are painful or even embarrassing. But, I know from experience that if you don’t, the issues with remain, magnify, and then follow you around and become even more painful.

Additionally, I see a lot of people who want to brush over the issues and then just pretend that everything is fine. In short, they don’t take any real action to make any real changes. So, the problems which may have lead up to the cheating are still very much present and will just leave you more vulnerable and unsure in the future.

Fixing Your Marriage After An Adulterous Relationship Often Requires Work On Both Individuals And The Couple: Cheating can negatively affect all of the people involved. Often, the person who cheated will feel guilty and will not understand why they acted as they did. So, they are sort of compromised when they try to interact in a healthy way within the marriage. And, the person who was cheated on will usually have greatly compromised self esteem and may also have serious trust issues.

Working on your relationship as a couple is both necessary and beneficial. But, often the missing piece of the puzzle is the self work that will often help to really help the marriage after adultery once and for all. When people tell me that they just can’t seem to move on, I always ask them if they have done some individual work also.

Are You Feeling Hopeless and Need Help Dealing With Adultery?

Facing adultery can be overwhelming and if it’s possible, I’d like to offer you some help. I wish it were in person where we could share a cup of cocoa and a warm smile but if this article gives you at least a little guidance or adultery help you are seeking, I’d be delighted.

The Real Problem With Adultery

To help you deal with the adultery it’s important to look at the cheating for what it really is. It’s not just the physical aspect of the affair that is detested. It’s the broken trust and sacredness of the relationship. It’s the memories that have been suddenly tainted with lies and doubt. It’s a difficult struggle because in your mind you begin to replay history and wonder whether adultery was present at the time.

If there was a missed family gathering or all the times your partner was working late you wonder if he or she was engaged in adulterous behavior. If he or she lied about this what other secrets are hidden, you might wonder. These are all valid concerns and I’m sure you have these and no doubt many others.

How To Help Begin Recovering From Adultery

Ok, now that the cat is out of the bag, it’s necessary to begin dealing with the adultery. It’s shocking and hard to believe that after all you have invested in your relationship, this is what you get in return. So now what do you do?

First, you make an agreement with the most important person impacted by the adultery and that is You! I know you probably think I’m crazy but I’m not. Get a pen and a piece of paper and write down this agreement, review it on a daily basis and stick to it.

1. You will not let the adultery ruin the rest of your life.

2. The adultery is a small chapter in your life and will not dictate how the story ends.

3. Only 1 to 2 hours per day (maximum) will be used to deal with the adultery. The other 22 hours will be dedicated to joyful, peaceful and positive thoughts and activities.

4. You will maintain your composure and control what happens in your relationship moving forward.

Next, I would suggest you let your adulterous partner know where things stand and that’s no where. Don’t make any rash decisions about your relationship. It’s too early to end it or forgive and move forward. Let your partner know the pain and anger you feel. Express your outrage and disappointment. Explain that you will take time to figure out if and how you can continue your relationship.

Obviously, I left out an important step to help deal with adultery because it’s a no-brainer, but I’ll mention it now. Your cheating partner should have already ended the affair. If he or she can’t seem to end the affair, I know a good brain surgeon you can get to crack his or her skull open (just kidding). But of course there is no moving forward unless the adultery is over.

After Adultery – How To Restore Your Marriage After Trust Has Been Destroyed

After adultery has shaken the foundation of your marriage and your relationship has slowly started to mend, you begin to wonder if you’ll be able to completely trust your spouse ever again. Months later you still find yourself demanding, “Who were you talking with on the phone?” Why were you at work so late today?” You start to become suspicious that your spouse may be cheating just as before.

Once adultery has taken place, the trust you once had in your marriage is at risk of being broken forever. As a consequence, it’s now more important than ever to understand the delicate nature of this bond.

1. After adultery, the expectations an injured spouse has of the offending spouse are often altered forever. Expectations become more heightened and sensitized after adultery than they were before the affair occurred. And when influenced by a complex range of emotions such as anger, anxiety, and betrayal, it’s not difficult to understand why one spouse can easily jump to conclusions and be suspicious of an after-work telephone call from the other’s co-worker.

2. Infidelity is much more complicated than just the affair itself and the apology that accompanies it. After adultery, trust has to be re-established. And surviving the emotional devastation that adultery leaves behind is a process that takes understanding and a sincere commitment to your marriage.

3. After adultery, trust is fragile and must be gradually re-established before it can ever be restored in its entirety and your marriage made whole again. But it’s trust that a spouse needs more than anything else in order to be able to heal and to feel that the relationship has a chance again. Understandably, the injured spouse is afraid to trust. After all, he or she never wants to go through the devastation, the hurt, the humiliation ever again.

So how does a spouse re-gain trust after adultery? Just as trust was established over time by the interactions and communication the two of you had before you married, that same trust will take time to develop again. And, after adultery, it will be much harder. After all, the confusion, shock, and disbelief that your spouse has had to endure after adultery will have to be worked through first. Then and only then can the trust you used to enjoy have the chance to re-establish itself.

But this means open and honest communication as well as communication on a different level. After adultery each of you will need to be open to your spouse’s questions and concerns and be sensitive to each other’s feelings. Circumstances that may appear suspicious will need to be explained to the injured spouse, and special care must be taken to listen carefully and to try to understand why infidelity ignites unexpected questions.

Over time given patience, understanding, on-going and sincere communication, you both will eventually come to realize, even after adultery has occurred, that trust can return to your marriage. And the emotional and physical intimacy you both shared in the past can once again become the foundation of your marriage.

But before communication can begin in earnest and trust can return to your marriage after adultery, you both must agree on what adultery actually is. Interestingly enough it may not mean the same thing to both husband and wife. And since effective communication is the key to surviving the emotional turmoil left behind after adultery, you want it to happen in a way that gives you the best chance for a positive outcome in your relationship.