Surviving Adultery – Going Through the Pangs of Deceit

How do you live your life after discovering that your partner hasn’t been true to you? How do you regain the shattered trust? How do you tell yourself that it is fine when you are broken deep inside? How can you start surviving adultery when you do not even know when to begin? And how can you say that you can go on for another try when deep inside you feel like giving up?

Adultery is a monster that eats marriages alive! However, life do not end the moment when you found your husband with a lipstick mark on his collar, when you saw him enter a motel with a blonde girl on his hand, when you found out that he is living with the other woman during weekend when you believed all along that he is out of the country for a trip with his boss. There are more things in marriages than those cuddly moments in bed and those sweet kisses you’ll get after a long day at work. Problems will strike the scene and sometimes, these setbacks can strike really hard to the point that they will put you off your feet.

Surviving adultery involves bringing the trust back. It will take months before trust can be established again, while others can never have it back. Once an affair is discovered, the marriage will walk in thin air wherein one moment of lunacy can destroy everything.

Infidelity is the leading cause of separation. By the time a partner cheats, it will take twice as long to start rebuilding trust again. With so many errors in life, it may even take longer for someone to start over again.

For the cheater, convincing the partner to give it another try might be the first hurdle. Not everyone might be happy to forgive a cheating spouse so easily which is why the cheating partner can find it really hard to ask for a second chance. To set the record straight, a study confirmed that 73% of partners are not willing to give their spouses a second chance after adultery. This means that if you were given the second chance, be sure to cherish is because you will only find such chance once in a blue moon. Start to become grateful about her as both of you work in surviving adultery.

For the one cheated on, get back to basics. After cheating, you will feel inadequate to the point that your insecurities will become your reason why you have been cheated on. This is the time to rebuild your confidence again. Look the best way you can. Pamper yourself because you deserve every glory of this world after deciding that you are willing to swallow your pride just for your marriage to work again. On the other hand, if you think you have the need to seek professional help, do so without any doubt. This will become very helpful so you can pour all your troubles out to someone who cares.

The Effects of Adultery

The effects of adultery can prove to be quite challenging to the individual that suffers from them. There are many different definitions when it comes to the term “adultery”. However, the most common definition is that it is an act and violation of the marriage vows. When an individual engages in a sexual act of any kind outside the marriage, that person is said to be an “adulterer”. While this is often referred to as “adultery”, there are other names by which it is known. Infidelity and extramarital sex are examples of other names in which this is known by. Here, you will be provided with information pertaining to the effects of adultery.

The Consequences of Adultery

There are a number of negative consequences that result when someone commits adultery. There are areas in the world in which legal action is pursued as a criminal act. An example of this type of area is Taiwan. In many instances, when an individual has been a victim of their spouse’s adulterous acts, they are issued immediate permission to divorce that individual. As you can see, this is not an uncommon issue. However, when experienced, it can be an absolute disheartening experience for all that are involved. Below are some more examples when it comes to the effects of adultery:

1. Individuals who engage in sexual acts with someone outside of their marriage, often experience high levels of anxiety and depression once this has been indulged in. This level of stress not only impacts the mind in a psychological way; it also affects the physiological make up and parts of the person.

2. By engaging in this act, one may start to experience difficulties in relationships, work, school, and many other areas.

3. Many who have pursued an adulterous relationship have often found themselves suffering financial loss as a result of the relationship that is being pursued.

4. In many professional positions, there is a possibility for termination of employment if the adulterous act was brought to the attention of the employer. An example of when this act may cost a professional loss is law enforcement positions. These are professionals who are expected to achieve the highest level of integrity and it is believed to be a break down of character if adultery is committed. Being a pastor and head of a religious denomination may also line up for dismissal if adultery is committed.

5. When an adulterous act is committed, and others find out, a lack of respect and tolerance may be experienced. This can be potentially devastating.


Adultery is the act of engaging in sexual acts outside the confines of the marriage vows. There are many devastating effects that may occur if this act is engaged in. It is relatively difficult to handle adultery if you are the one that was cheated. You can get counseling, talk to a loved one, and create other ways to cope as appropriate. If you are the person committing adultery, it is important to know the consequences of your actions. The effects of adultery are quite tremendous.

Proving Adultery – The Need For Solid Evidence

Now that you have caught your spouse in an affair and have decided that you would like to file for legal separation, annulment or divorce, how do you then prove that your spouse committed adultery? In some places proving adultery is tedious while in other places circumstantial evidence can be used as concrete proof. In other countries, especially where divorce is not legal, a double standard exists in proving adultery. For the wife, circumstantial evidence is enough to prove and accuse a woman of adultery while for the husband explicit evidence of the man having sexual intercourse with a woman other than his wife is needed to prove adultery. In any legal battle, rock solid evidences are needed for proving adultery, such as:

  1. Photographs. Photos of your spouse with his/her paramour in intimate moments in public places or in front of his/her lover’s home would be good proof although it may be considered as incidental evidence. However, photos of your spouse and his/her lover caught in the sexual act would be considered rock solid evidence.
  2. Testimonies. Written testimonies from neighbors or your spouse’s co-workers who have seen or have knowledge of your spouse’s affair would be additional evidence that can be used in court. You can also gather testimonies from staff where your spouse and his/her lover had their rendezvous.
  3. Cell phone records. Obtain phone records of your spouse and check on frequently called numbers that are not yours or of any member or friends of the family. Check on this number and try calling them to determine who owns it.
  4. Travel records. Obtain the travel records of your spouse and his/her lover and see if they coincide or if they have travelled together to and from certain destinations on the same dates.
  5. Computer data. If you have access to your spouse’s desktop computer or laptop then try to download his/her emails to and from his/her lover. If you can find his/her chat messages with his/her lover then download them too and keep them safe. Although this would be hard to do because of security measures you can still make a copy of the computer’s hard disk and use it as evidence later.
  6. Legal documents. Documents such as the birth certificate of a child other than your children where your spouse is indicated as one of the parents or DNA tests to determine the parentage of a child are rock solid evidence that cannot be challenged in court.

One advice is that in any legal battle refrain from using your children in proving adultery as much as possible because it will be painful and disturbing for them to do so. Going through the process of proving adultery may be expensive, difficult and upsetting and you would need solid evidence to be able to do so. But if it is the ending to your relationship that would make you move on then you have no choice but to go through the process.

Tips To Keep Yourself From Committing Adultery

Do you struggle with thoughts about committing adultery? Have you noticed that regardless of the subject matter of most articles or advertisement there is a model pictured with more skin than clothing showing? Perhaps you have been struggling in your relationship and find yourself looking at stuff you shouldn’t be looking at or clicking on websites or emails you shouldn’t be opening.

What have you been doing to keep yourself from committing adultery? Is it because you are so devoted to your significant other or has the right opportunity not presented itself? It’s admirable in the times that we live in to be able to truthfully say “I’ve never cheated on my partner.” It’s even more impressive to say “I had the chance to have an affair but chose to honor and respect my partner and avoided committing adultery.

One thing that I know I don’t have to tell you and that is that many devoted men and women have fallen into pit of adultery and ruined what was thought to be a good relationship. This is a clear reminder that just because a relationship appears to be on solid ground it doesn’t mean that it’s safe from infidelity.

So how do you stay away from committing adultery and breaking the heart and trust of your partner and family? I think at times we make it seem more complicated than it really is and that’s done to try to understand and justify why it happens.

Don’t convince yourself that it’s OK to have an affair because of the following lame excuses;

  • I deserve to be happy – yes you do but the world doesn’t revolve around you. Your partner deserves to be happy also. Do you think your partner finding out that you slept with another person will bring joy to the soul? For starters, by sleeping with someone else you automatically put your partner at risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease. So please don’t fool yourself into thinking that sorrow and pain should be accepted so that you can be happy.
  • Our relationship is going nowhere – Although this might be a true assessment of your relationship how is committing adultery going to help it move forward. If your goal is to end the relationship, why not take the adult route and discuss it and communicate your plans to seek love elsewhere?
  • I have a strong sexual appetite – unless you are being rejected by your partner and have communicated your frustrations and needs to your partner, please put your hormones in check. Take a shower, run on a treadmill or take a yoga class. Don’t confuse wanting to sleep with other people as having a strong appetite.

Tips To Help You With Avoiding Adultery

  • Make sure you don’t advertise that you are available for an intimate relationship. There are many folks out there who don’t believe in or care about monogamous relationships. There are others who would be happy to break-up your relationship. What these folks look for is a sign from you that you are open for adultery. Don’t make comments, gestures, or make physical contact with others signaling your availability. Don’t give back rubs or accept massages. Don’t make comments or jokes about sleeping with someone else. Only let wholesome talk come out of your mouth and the same goes with your tweets and Facebook postings.
  • Continue to work on your relationship – one of the best preventative steps you can take to avoid adultery is building a strong bond with your partner. This might offend some folks but if you love your partner enough, I believe you will find the strength and courage to avoid being unfaithful. It’s when the relationship is frail that you find reasons and justification to cheat.
  • Protect your mind from fantasizing about cheating – If you are constantly viewing images of sexy folks doing sexy things and see yourself doing the same thing with one of these sexy folks, guess what? The more you think about it and dream about and lust about it the closer you will be to fulfilling your fantasy. You can’t keep playing with fire and not expect to get burned. You are not strong enough to control your emotions or urges so avoid putting yourself in this position.